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3/19/2008

so this is what it feels like



I snapped that photo of my writing room during November 2007. I was not that impressed, but folks on flickr have viewed it 1,354 times and 38 people deem it a favorite. Why thanks, y'all. I am clearly not a photographer, so those statistics make me laugh. I'm happy that space inspires you, too.

I've been up in that room a little bit since November, but sadly, I do most of my sitting and writing on our living room couch. I think that will soon change. I think a lot of things are about to change. Last night I crawled into bed at 1:00 am after my nighttime medicinal regimen. Too late for a healing body, but as I relaxed into our soft sheets, my eyes opened wide with a thought, "It's happening. It is near. God is healing me!" I smiled in the darkened room, looked over at my sleeping husband, listened to the cats misbehave, and smiled again.

I still have aches and pains, creaking joints, pesky neck muscle tension, a few digestive issues, and fatigue, blah, blah - yet something is definitely going on. I've laughed a bit more. The other day, I danced around the kitchen to The Shins. I must confess a little insanity. I imagined our future children were there, too. Like, they will enjoy dancing around the house with me while young, but I know good and well that once teendom hits, my dancing will be an embarrassment. Well, good. They shouldn't take themselves too seriously (like I take myself). Anyway, I danced so much that I wiped out my energy reserve for the day. Thanks to yeast, I am sorely out of shape.

Today, I'm gulping down the sunshine. Birds are literally singing, inches away from the front door. The reckless wind is urging our wind chime to play the scales of Bach with gusto. I actually feel like doing laundry. I hear myself singing. I feel tears on my cheeks, my heart aches in the sweetest way, and I say aloud, "Thank You. Thank You! Oh, praise You." I am humbled beyond explanation. I'm here to share that I will soon feel like a new person - reborn - and I have no idea what I'll do with myself. All I do know is that I'll try with every fiber in my healthy body to do as God speaks. I'm sure to fail, but I will try, darn it. I'll strive to remember what He's taught me all these months of struggle.

So, it's time to climb the stairs to my light-filled room. Time to change those two inspiration wires (above). They've been neglected since Christmas, I'm afraid. But as for this day, I decided to express what I believe by way of the living room wire (since I'm still on the couch):



[the Ascension (to celebrate soon) and spring flowers]

[when I looked closer at this card today, I noticed words coming out of the girl's mouth. She is saying, "sweet words, sweet words, sweet...." A good reminder to watch my mouth.]

[there is beauty in melancholy, in waiting, and in what I peer (in vain) to see. And when I fall, I will rise.]

[I see myself (and Johnny) in this religious procession....]

[....to worship Jesus, the Lamb of God]

[gratitude, and that card w/gravity-defying dancers - what my soul feels like]

7 comments:

alissa said...

This is absolutely lovely.

kate said...

the cards are all beautiful. and so is that sense you have of god healing you.

Kimberly said...

Yeah! I am SO happy for you Jenni! I've been praying for you to have this exact feeling and to know, deep withing, that healing is happening (no matter how you may feel ;~) ). Praise God!!! A new birth in health as we celebrate Easter. I can hardly think of anything better!!!

Beckye said...

1. Psalm 119:103
How sweet are your words to my taste, sweeter than honey to my mouth!

2. Proverbs 16:24
Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.

jenni said...

Thanks so much, y'all.

Christine said...

I, too, believe in your healing, dear Jenni. And I rejoice with you in all that God has shown you during this time of pain. He is so good to us, always.

jenni said...

Thank you, Stine!